Sunday, May 6, 2012

Burn Out

Coming off a week battling sickness with Emma, this is how I'm feeling these days. Drained, exhausted, running in circles. She had an inconsistent fever and complained of a sore head, neck and throat. After several doctor appointments, throat culture, chest x-rays and blood work the doctors discovered it was plain ol' strep throat. While I didn't work this week, I felt like I wasn't able to get anything done either. Jason was busy trucking and working in the fields so we were on our own.

90% of our time was spent vegging on the couch in front of the television, all rules regarding screen time thrown out the window. Life is more complicated with two, but gets even more convoluted when one of them is sick. Sleep is unpredictable, as well as everyone's mood. If I wasn't nursing, changing diapers or bouncing one to sleep I was cuddling, monitoring temp or waiting on the other one. The days were long and repetitive with one running into the next.

At the end of the day I'd find myself wondering if I'd accomplished anything. Straightening up the house in the evening would take two hours and the next morning it would be trashed again in two minutes. Once a meal was made, placed on the table, consumed and the kitchen cleaned up it seemed like it was time to start on the next one. I was often left feeling like I just needed to make it through the day. Yet the next day was just more of the same.

According to some people's standards I didn't achieve much this week. I have to remind myself that I know better. All the little things ARE the big things- snuggling little bodies, nourishing them, coddling a sick child, playing games. Being a mom means being on duty 24/7. There is no checklist (which is so hard for me since I love lists!) I want a sense of accomplishment, some sign that I've done something.

They're there too, but I have to be looking for them. It's when Emma picks me flowers or Easton gives me a huge grin. When Emma is polite to another child on the playground or when she helps me with something around the house. I'm raising little people who need love and guidance every day to grow and flourish into the adults God wants them to be. I'm not perfect, but I'm doing my best with His help. We can do it!

1 comment:

Gina said...

love this! "there are no lists..." i feel the same way in terms of needing to feel accomplished by checking off my duties one by one, so part of preparing for motherhood for me is learning how to let that go. your next paragraph really put it into perspective for me though. i may not be dealing with a sick kiddo (or even 2 kids, yikes!) yet, but just knowing my new sense of accomplishment is going to come in a different kind of package is gratifying because it will be there...i just have to be willing to see past the other stuff! this post came at a perfect time for me as i've been feeling a little anxiety about meeting my baby in less than 9 thank you!!